


The Grand Opening

by EdwardHyde10



Category: Sidneyverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:27:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28151601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdwardHyde10/pseuds/EdwardHyde10
Kudos: 3





	The Grand Opening

The Grand Opening  
By  
Edward Hyde

A TRIUMPH OF TASTE IN EVERY SENSE

15th August 2026

Katherine Harcourt  
Food & Entertainment  
West Midlands Chronicle

Last night I was invited to attend the official opening of the first branch of Sidney’s Family Restaurant in the UK. The popular American chain, which currently has 23 locations in the US with plans for 15 more within the next two years, has plans to open at least 5 branches within the UK by 2030. 

While the evening was clearly intended as a gala presentation showcasing the restaurant and their unique menu, it is clear that visitors on a regular night will not be disappointed. The evening’s presentation included a tour of all the facilities as well as details of what can be expected in the near future.

For those unfamiliar with the chain, it was founded by business tycoon Orin Roebuck in memory of his youngest daughter Sidney after, with his support and financial backing, she successfully lobbied for a change in the law allowing her to be slaughtered, butchered and served as meat. Sidney Roebuck began the campaign aged 8 after reading an old book of cannibal-themed jokes and deciding that she wanted to be eaten. The campaign included appearances on chat-shows to put forth her case, that those who wanted to volunteer their meat should have the right to, and a series of high-profile billboard and magazine ads showing the little girl naked with captions implying how good her body would taste. The legality of such ads were challenged but were allowed to continue after it was ruled that the nudity was not sexual in nature. During the campaign, Sidney worked with both personal trainers and livestock farmers to ensure that her body was kept in prime condition. After much campaigning and petitioning, Sidney’s wish was finally granted and she was slaughtered and butchered on 15th August 2022, her twelfth birthday. 

Always quick to spot a business opportunity, Orin Roebuck successfully lobbied for an exclusive license to prepare and sell girl meat. The first Sidney’s restaurant was opened two years later in 2024 on what would have been Sidney’s 14th birthday. All the meat served in every Sidney’s comes from volunteer girls aged 8-14 with their parents or guardians paid for their meat in an arrangement akin to livestock farming.

To coincide with his plans to open branches within the UK, Roebuck pressed for a similar meat consent law to be passed by the UK government but, due to the technical issues and cross-department agreements required, Parliament was unable to pass the law before the Summer Recess. They were, however, able to confirm an amendment to existing laws whereby people classified as livestock in their country of origin may be imported and processed as such. This is why the private dining facilities are not yet available at this restaurant and all the girls currently on the menu are American. It is planned that girls will continue to be flown to the UK to satisfy demand over the summer. It is believed the full legislation of “Sidney’s Law” will be passed without opposition when Parliament returns in September, at which point it is hoped that local, British girls will fulfil the bulk of the demand. 

I will give an overview of the building itself before describing the evening’s events and, of course, the food!

Visitors first enter a lobby where they are greeted by a smiling, waving waxwork of Sidney Roebuck herself at around 9 years old, naked apart from the trademark cowboy hat and boots she wore for her television appearances. Behind her is a display about Sidney’s life, stills from interviews, samples of the magazine adverts and photos taken of her sat on a butcher’s block, beaming happily, in what must have been the last minute or so of her life. There is a small fountain connected to the larger one inside the restaurant, decorated with Greco-Roman style carvings of pre-teen nymphs. Flanking the doorway into the main dining room, behind the stand where diners wait to be seated, are two more nude statues of girls I would estimate to be around 12, posing in a classical style but, with a humorous nod to the nature of the establishment, typical cuts of meat marked out on their bodies. I noticed that there was a lift in the corner of the lobby, presumably for those who cannot manage the stairs up to the private dining are, but more on that later!

The ground floor is a fairly typical family restaurant layout with tables arranged to seat 4-6 but which could presumably be pushed together for larger parties. At one end is the live cooking area, which I will describe in more detail shortly, and typical carvery with trays of vegetables and meat-carving area under hot lamps. At the other is a large marble staircase leading up to the private dining area. The kitchen is also located on the first floor. Set around six feet up the wall are alcoves which, on this opening night, were occupied by living statues – local girls from gymnastics, dance and sports clubs in the area painted with light stone-effect paint. Some wore Greek-style drapes while others were completely nude. I am not certain if these “statues” will be a regular feature or whether they were just there for the special occasion. To one side, against the wall connected to the lobby, there is a large water feature that put me in mind of a penguin enclosure at a zoo, with an artificial rock heap at the centre and a clear surround allowing guests to see into the water. This fountain was decorated not by carved nymphs but by live “mermaids” - more local girls in shimmering, colourful wigs and Hollywood quality tails which stopped just short of the hips, leaving their vulvas and buttocks exposed. These tails were blended to their legs with impressive makeup and prosthetic scales which matched their wigs and continued up their bodies and around their faces. 

I spoke to one of these mermaids, a very pleasant 12yo girl by the name of Melissa, who confirmed that they would be a regular presence but that she, along with several of the other girls there that night and others among her friends, had already signed up to be cooked and served once the relevant laws were passed. I couldn’t help wondering as I looked around, how many of the girls there to assist with the entertainment, not to mention those there with their families to sample to cooking, would end up on the menu before too long. From the conversations I overheard, I do not think there will be a shortage of volunteers and I found myself wondering, if I were still the eligible age, whether it would be something I would consider myself. 

Dominating the room is a larger than life white marble statue of Sidney Roebuck again, completely nude this time and appearing slightly older, clearly modelled on how she looked at the end of her life. This statue is slowly revolving on its plinth and the giant Sidney is presenting a platter on which a life-size, realistically painted model of Sidney once more but this time cooked like a suckling pig, complete with apple in her mouth. This statue is symbolic, of course, as the real Sidney was butchered and her meat prepared by a number of different highly respected and celebrity chefs, whom she had interviewed and chosen in advance, over a number of days. Her chosen recipes make up the bulk of the regular menu.

I can honestly say that the whole dining area is a celebration of the young female form, with the fact that is is the bodies of young girls that are being served and eaten there adding to this celebration. One cannot help but feel that flavour is another, less explored but equally important, kind of beauty!

The restaurant was officially opened by Orin Roebuck and, following speeches from himself and the woman who would be managing this location, there was some entertainment. A group from a local drama and dance club performed a cutely amusing musical skit about explorers being captured by stereotypical cannibals, played by older teenage boys, who, of course, stripped them naked then argued among themselves about the best way to cook their prey until the girls got bored of waiting and gave cooking instructions themselves. A mixed choir then sang three of Sidney’s favourite songs (other than the speeches, this was the one part of the entertainment that involved no nudity), a gymnastics team performed a naked routine set to some classic rock music then invited any girls considering volunteering as meat to join their club and get in good shape. Following this, the head chef gave a short presentation about what they look for in a meat girl, assisted by two of the girls I later saw on the spit, and finally the choir returned to the stage to sing a final song specially written for the occasion, joined for the last chorus by dancers and nude gymnasts.

Once this opening ceremony was over, the public were invited to eat while those of us with press-passes were given a behind-the-scenes tour.

Up the marble staircase is a mezzanine dining area designed for larger parties who want to order a whole girl. The tables are much larger and circular, designed to seat 15-20. While this area is not open to the public yet, it was explained that customers will be able either to reserve their via a list of available girls on the website when they book or provide their own, at a reduced cost. While there will still be health-checks on the bring-your-own girls, they will be less stringent and the quality checks required for public meat will not be necessary. In cases where a party has ordered a girl, their chosen meat will be introduced to them when they arrive and they will have 15 minutes to get to know a little about her, introduce themselves and discuss her preparation with her. Parties that provide their own meat will be given a short tour of the kitchens before their girl is taken for cooking.  
Off this area are three private dining rooms, intended for corporate events and very special occasions, where a team of chefs are provided and the girl or girls are cooked in front of the diners rather than in the kitchen.

On our press tour, we did not witness any girls being slaughtered, but we were shown the area at the back of the kitchen where this takes place and the walk-in fridge where some butchered carcasses were hanging. The set-up closely resembled any small-scale abattoir and it would be interesting to see it in use and observe the process. Perhaps, once the restaurant is able to make use of local meat, I will be able to follow a girl along the entire process from door to table. 

The kitchen has all the facilities you would expect of a large, working kitchen along with ovens, rotisseries, woks and pans large enough for cooking whole girls. Since this was a preview night, the kitchen staff were hard at work creating a taster menu of all that was on offer. I was curious as I had never tasted human meat before last night but I was not disappointed. It is a difficult taste to describe, somewhere between pork and chicken, very much influence by the preparation style, but I can honestly say that, in my limited experience, little girls are delicious!

This brings me to the public cooking area and carvery at the far end of the ground floor from the stairs. There, a cooking area is set up with three girls being cooked. One in a pot for stew, one in a clear-fronted over and a third, attracting the most attention, turning on a spit. Once a girl other than the one in the stew was conformed to be cooked she would be moved to the carving area and a new, live girl would take her place. Once a stew girl appeared to be dead, she would be pulled out and cut up into small chunks before being returned to the pot along with another new girl once the water had been allowed to cool a little. 

Witnessing this entire process was quite thrilling and is sure to be the most popular option for casual diners. The imported girls assigned to be cooked in this area during the course of the evening all stood around chatting with the guests, all seeming as excited to be cooked as the guests were to eat them. The girls wore coloured wrist-bands designating their assigned cooking method. Green for the pot, blue for the oven and red for the spit. I couldn’t help noticing that it was the most athletic, sporty-looking girls who were assigned to the spit, sightly thicker-set but still healthily toned girls to the oven and the girls who were either on the skinny or chubby side to the stew pot. 

When a girl on the spit or in the oven was coming to the end of her time, the chefs would select the next girl and prepare her. This mostly consisted of having them stand on a small plinth and being rubbed with flavoured oil. The girl for the oven would then lay on a backing tray, have tin-foil wrapped around her hair to prevent it burning then have stuffing and chopped vegetables pushed with a kind of piping-bag into her vagina and rectum, both of which were then “sealed” with a small silver onion. The girl for the spit would have her hair taken up in a bun and position herself on a frame which was then tilted forward, allowing the chefs to insert the spit into her vagina and push it through until it came out her mouth. A stabiliser was then slid into her anus and her hands and feet were fixed to the spit with something that looked like handcuffs that slid on from either end. Once the cooking girls were done, these newly-prepped girls would be set on to cook in their place and the cooked girls taken to the carvery. Diners could help themselves to stew from the pot or, while she was still feeling able, the live girl in the pot could ladle it out for them. This was something a lot of the guests seem to enjoy.

I made sure to sample meat cooked in all three different ways and, honestly, I would be very hard pushed to choose my favourite. I had expected to like the spit-roast girl best but all three had their own special appeal. I definitely want to visit again once local girls are being served and see if home-grown girl meat has a different flavour!

In conclusion, the ambience of the main dining room is very family-friendly with prices and menu choices that reflect this (I will write more about the food after my next visit but be assured that there is something for evening – from steaks to burgers, lasagne, etc.). I’m sure small girls will be entranced by the mermaids and, if tonight was in any way typical, there will be plenty to entertain the boys! I did not get to experience the more high-end offerings of the establishment but that only gives me all the more reason to return in the future! 

Go eat at Sidney’s – you’ll be glad you did!


End file.
